Things I Will Outlaw When I Become President

First and foremost, I would like to start this blog off with my platform. I believe that there needs to be a universal dress code because I am tired of looking at people's unfortunate clothing choices.

I will first start out by saying that I have a Dom Perignon taste on a King Cobra budget. I love high end fashion and have no shame in gloating in a fabulous find, but I am TIRED of looking at fortune mishaps that burn ugliness into my mind.

For the people who sport the headlights...

This is NOT appropriate....you are not trying out for Hooters, people bring many children into this establishment, and unless you are modeling for Esbilac; you need to holster your tits, or get the hell out of PetSmart! I do not get paid enough to stare at your roadkill!!

Bicycle shorts are completely awful! Usually men in their 40's come into my work with their bicycle shorts on, their chest hair threatening to rip open their shirt because it simply cant contain itself and then the Banana Hammock and it's member are staring me down....This could possibly be worse than the headlights!! Is nothing to be left a surprise these days? Everyone seems to be auditioning for the whorehouse!

Excuse me but Donatello called and he wants his feet back....

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I too have fallen victim to this fashion crime....when I was 7!!! Playing Ninja Turtles was back in the day and just two days ago I spotted a lady with turtle feet!! This is not fashionable nor functional, what happens when it rains? I hope it does, just for your poor fashion choice!

Last but certainly not least, TUBESOCKS....My fabulous co-worker can vouch for this!! Thank you women for being brave enough to burn your bras!!! The 70 were 4 decades ago, and now you will pay the price by having tubesock tits! I am possibly the most disgusted by this fashion faux pas....thus is why I have founded none other than Operation PUMOST....(Pick Up My Old Saggy Tits).... I will pursuade my husbands friends to put a contribution into a jar; (Which will be safely out of reach so I will not be able to go shopping) and when my hair goes gray and my figure is not as beautiful as it once was, my boobs will still be in the same place!!